Asperger’s and Motherhood (Part 1)

This is the first in a series about being a mom with Asperger’s Syndrome–a combination of reflections on how Asperger’s affected my parenting experience and advice that I wish someone has given me as I was struggled to make sense of being an unconventional mom. Hopefully some of what I learned along the way will be useful to other moms (or dads) with Asperger’s.

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If you’re the mother of a child with Asperger’s syndrome, you can find parenting advice to help you navigate every stage of your child’s life.

If you’re a mother with Asperger’s syndrome? Well, good luck with that.

By the time I discovered that I have Asperger’s, I was already the mother of an adult daughter–a fairly well-adjusted, successful adult daughter. Ha! I thought smugly. I might be defective but I’d raised a perfectly normal child.*

When I told my daughter Jess that I have Asperger’s, she laughed it off at first, like maybe I just needed to be talked out of this crazy idea that there was something wrong with me. I’d always been different from other moms. We both knew that. But the idea that I might be autistic was, understandably, a lot to process.

As I explained more about what AS is and described some of the common aspie traits, she started coming up with specific examples of times when I’d done something particularly autistic. Some were funny, others less so.

The more we talked about it, the more relieved she sounded. An AS diagnosis can explain a lot of puzzling behavior, for both the aspie and the people closest to her.

As one point in the conversation, she said, “But you’re so smart!”

Armed with the reading I’d done, I explained the gap between intellectual intelligence and emotional intelligence that a lot of us with AS experience.

She was quiet for a moment. I’m sure that among other things she was puzzled over why I was so excited to be telling her that I have a developmental disorder. It doesn’t sound like a cause for celebration, but I was still in the early flush of discovery. Suddenly so much of my life made sense. I felt like someone had finally given me the user’s manual to my brain.

I hadn’t yet realized how little I knew about AS or myself. I hadn’t yet realized that the owner’s manual was missing a few key pages.

The next question Jess asked made that clear. “So, wait, does that mean you don’t have feelings?”

When a stranger or acquaintance asks this, it’s easy to attribute it to ignorance. One of the most common misconceptions about people with AS is that they’re cold and emotionless. But when your own child asks you if you have feelings, well, that’s one of those times when the reality of AS hits and hits hard.

That’s when twenty-four years of not saying “I love you”–twenty-four years of struggling to express my feelings to my own child–crystallized into one perfect moment of regret, of wishing I’d known all along that there was a reason for how difficult I find it to express what I’m feeling. Because the feelings are there. They may not be quite what the typical mom feels, but I’m absolutely certain that I love my daughter. And I want her to be absolutely certain too.

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*While I would phrase this differently now (substituting different words for “normal” and “defective”) I chose not to revise my original thoughts because they reflect how I honestly felt in those early moments, when I was still learning about Asperger’s Syndrome.

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Next in the Series:  The challenges of caring for an infant when you can barely take care of yourself .  . .

42 thoughts on “Asperger’s and Motherhood (Part 1)”

  1. I have a hypothetical question, and I hope it is not inappropriate to ask:

    If you knew about having Asperger’s earlier, and knew about the difficulty raising a kid – would you still have chosen to have a kid, or would you have thought that was too much of a challenge?

    (I mean kid as a generic concept; like a kid you didn’t know yet. Not your daughter who you already know and obviously wouldn’t want to be without)

    1. Not inappropriate at all! I actually thought about this a lot as I was writing the motherhood posts.

      The reason I have one child and not two or three is because I found motherhood so difficult and didn’t think I could handle a second child. My husband wanted more children but I literally didn’t believe I could do it and felt like it would be unfair to the second child. I felt like I didn’t have the “mom” gene or something. But if I hadn’t had my daughter, I wouldn’t have known that, so I think I would still have had at least one child either way.

      As I looked back over the last 24 years, I also realized that as hard as it was, there were so many moments that I treasure and so much joy in being a mom. I’ve learned a tremendous amount from my daughter and she’s one of the people in my life who accept me exactly as I am, which is a rare gift to me.

      1. Thank you very much for your great answer!

        I’ve got one more question: which aspects of having a kid did you find most challenging. Below are some suggestions. They may not apply to you – they are some of the aspects I would worry most about.

        – The social side: emotional support, intuitive understanding of your kids’ need, everyday communication

        – Sensory tolerance: tolerate a kid’s noise level, chattiness and hyperactivity*, have to interrupt whatever you are doing whenever the kid needs you, not have enough quiet alone-time to recover from stress, and the risk of snapping and behaving terrible as a consequence

        – Household management: to manage household chores and keep total chaos at bay in the house, so the kid grows up in a reasonable orderly environment

        – Kid’s worries: how to protect your kid from painful problems others may impose on it, such as bullying (especially if your kid is a bit ‘different’), and generally keep the kid out of trouble

        – Discipline: how to make sure the kid is reasonable well behaved and sociable

        I’ll stop here, because every time I think I’m done, one more point pops up on the list! Actually, there’s one more really important one:

        – Pregnancy: a massive physical change. The idea of having another human growing inside one’s own body frankly sounds extremely alien to me. Wasn’t it weird?

        &nbsp:

        *As a non-parent, all kids seem hyperactive to me I guess

        1. I touch on most of these in detail in the rest of the motherhood series (it’s all written but I’m spreading out the posts over a series of Mondays) so I won’t go into too much detail here but the hardest part for me was the general lack of control when it comes to having a child whose needs often had to take precedence over my own. This bled into everything–discipline, sensory issues, household management, the works.

          It’s funny, the only part of motherhood that I didn’t write about was pregnancy and I have no idea why. Maybe I’ll do a post on that sometime. Being pregnant is a strange and wondrous thing. Just last month my daughter was sitting next to me while we were waiting for the train and she said, “You know what’s weird to think about? I came out of you.” And we both sort of sat there and pondered that for a moment because it is weird when you think about it like that.

  2. Thank you for your answer! And I look forward to read the posts.

    Yes pregnancy is one of those things so weird that it is hard to get used to the idea that it is even possible to create a new human that way, although it is totally normal.

  3. Thank you for this series. I have recently been diagnosed (earlier this year) although now I wonder how everyone missed it all these years. I was already 38 years old, with three bouncing and I do mean bouncing boys! They are now 13 (aspie,ADD), 8 (undiagnosed, but almost positive if you ask me, aspie, ADHD with a capital H), and a 20-month old. My biggest obstacles are my sensory issues, and the overload that the noise level causes. I would absolutely do it again (have kids) in a heartbeat, in fact, I want one more–but I would also like some household help, and some daycare respite services to go along with it 🙂

    The funny thing is, I was truly surprised to find out that not every parent does through what I do. I always looked at other mothers and knew there was something really wrong with me. But I just thought they went through the same things I did but just did it better. I had no idea they didn’t face the same challenges; can you say–mind-blind?

    1. I had the exact same misgivings and spent a lot of time thinking that my struggles were related to being younger than most of the moms of similar age kids because I had my daughter when I was 19. Now I see that there was a lot more going on. If I can ask, did you get diagnosed as a result of one of your children getting diagnosed? That seems to be a common experience.

  4. I too didn’t realize that I’m an aspie until I was an adult. My youngest also has Aspergers and it was through learning about his that it all suddenly clicked for me. I can so totally relate to what you say about it explaining a lot of puzzling behavior and feeling like someone just handed me the user’s manual to my brain and then realizing that a few pages are missing from the manual. Motherhood has always been a struggle for me. I don’t struggle so much with showing my children that I love them as I do with the areas of discipline, maintaining consistent routines, etc. There are times when one of my kids wants to hug me but I just don’t want to be touched at that moment. I have this same issue in my marriage which is a completely different conversation!

    1. Asperger’s creates some big challenges for parenting. I relied on my husband a lot when it came to discipline and I guess we had pretty lack rules in general. And the issues with touch are huge, yes! But maybe you have an advantage in parenting your aspie son? At least you’ll understand him in ways that a neurotypical parent can’t.

  5. “24 years of not saying “I love you”: as a recently confirmed aspie, that so rings a chord with me. I’m sure I love my three sons, but I’m not confident in defining what love actually is. My sons are wonderful guys, I cry with them, I cry for them, I respect them for what they’ve achieved, and I will give them anything they need, even if it means not being able to afford to pay my own bills, or eat proper food. I think that’s what love is, but I still can’t say it. Fortunately, they are all aspies themselves, so sort of understand where I come from.

    1. It’s hard for me to read my own words quoted back there, but it helps to hear that I’m not alone in this. It sounds like you love your sons tremendously and as fellow aspies, I bet they know how to “translate” your concrete expressions of love and caring.

  6. Ugh. Tears. Good tears. Tears of understanding, relating, and reality. I was diagnosed with AS in 2010 at the age of 35. Like you, I was fascinated, relived, and excited about having access to the manual for my differently wired brain. My mum and I had always had a strained relationship – I craved her love and attention, she was busy impersonating David Bowie for money, watching Star Trek or drinking and drugging to realize . . . or so I thought. Months after my diagnosis and after actually connecting with my mum on my aspie traits (she actually was listening to me), she took an online AS test and scored rather high. In fact her score was a point or two lower than mine. She texted me her score as I was across the country visiting friends. When I received that text, I fell to the floor and sobbed-we finally had a real connection, a real understanding. And for the next year, we would meet up at hardware stores (turned out we both loved them), would call each other when the Beatles were playing on the radio (a mutual obsession), and joke about our days at work and how we didn’t think it a big deal to memorize a chunk of random numbers or create a proper flow chart and re-organize a company within an hour. And then she was diagnosed with cancer and passed away weeks after the diagnosis, in my arms, as I cared for her in my home. You saying “. . . wishing I’d known all along that there was a reason for how difficult I find it to express what I’m feeling” made me realize and see from a different perspective why my mum had difficulty. You’d think I would have “gotten it” by now, with my own diagnosis. But mums are the God figure to babies and apparently that never completely passed for me. She never told me she loved me. She never held me, not past the age of needing to be picked up and carried. But we did watch Saturday Night Live together and put space puzzles together and sing the entire album of Abbey Road together. She was an aspie. So am I. Thanks for giving me some closure in one paragraph. PS I wrote a memoir about mum and I, Asperger’s and growing up, titled Everything’s Hunky Dory. Hoping to get it published soon! :0) Thank you!!!!

    1. Oh, wow, thank you for sharing this with me. When I wrote this series, I gave it to my daughter to read before making it pubic–in part because I wanted her permission before writing about her, but also to tell her these things, many of which I hadn’t been able to express verbally.

      Parenting as an aspie–especially an undiagnosed one–can be rough. We’re the unconventional moms, for sure. I’m so so happy and touched to hear that this helped you see your mom in a different light and get some closure for things that I’m sure are very hard to understand from the child point of view.

      Best wishes on getting your memoir published! I’d love to read your stories and hope you’ll keep me updated. Do you have a blog?

  7. Thankyou for sharing this motherhood series. I think its a real eye opener for me. I’ve really struggled with motherhood and this had made me realise why.. along with the challenges of looking after young children, I’ve also had to deal with the effect its had on my functioning ability.. the lack of ‘alone time’ to regroup, struggling to provide boundaries (for their and my own good) when I just can’t provide that structure, pulling my hair out for the lack of routine and just being so affected by what challenges the kids bought me each day.. I didn’t realise it then but now I see that how much they gave me to deal with affected how much I could structure their day for them (i.e. couldn’t think clearly if had too much to deal with or routine hadn’t been able to be set that morning). But hey, we are getting there. I’ve learnt a lot about myself throughout it and I don’t think the kids are too bothered by anything I’ve done right or wrong. I’ve also found motherhood to be very social which I actually found quite novel at first (kind of like, oooh, practice time!) and I enjoyed bonding on nap time discussions etc.. but then it got trickier.. and school and the mothers network is tricky.. I just don’t get it.. I want to be part of the group but I don’t fit in. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that friendships I see on TV are actually make believe as I just can’t make it work but then this Aspergers stuff seem to suggest that I’m just not getting something.. like I have an inability to ‘bond’.. So complicated. Its interesting though. I kind of study it.. I feel like I’m always trying to work things out, always learning snippets of information and trying to sort it out. But mostly I am just banging my head against the wall with the social stuff.
    I’m not diagnosed AS, but I’ve got the curiosity that you mention and I’m getting such value out of reading advice for AS and understanding different traits. I love what I’ve read of your posts, you write so well and describe things so well. I love that I have found this place.

    1. Thank you for commenting! I love hearing from new readers. As someone who is in the late stages of parenting (my daughter is 25 now), I can say pretty confidently that I didn’t screw it up, in spite of all the challenges that being on the spectrum brought with it.

      I get exactly what you mean about the social parenting stuff. I tried doing the PTA thing, I tried making small talk in the hallways while waiting for kids to be dismissed, I tried being chatty on the sidelines at sports practices and I just felt left out 90% of the time. It was like the other women had some kind of code book and I never got a copy. It got easier as my daughter got older and became more independent. By middle school, the parent interaction really drops off drastically, unless you go out and seek it.

      I’m glad you’re finding the blog helpful, regardless of your diagnostic status. One of my hopes is that it’s a comfortable place for everyone who finds something of interest here.

      1. Sometimes I wonder if the social issue is perhaps due to absorbing too much detail, maybe taking things more personally or in a different context because I’m seeing so much more then the average person, perhaps? Or maybe not seeing enough, being oblivious.. who knows (not I!). I also, personally, think that people lie too much with their eyes which is maybe why I don’t process eye contact so much. I find a way to justify everything..
        I’m currently freaking out on the AS thing.. so many experiences hitting me in the face as I delve through and cross-analyse.. it completely changes my perspective if this AS thing is true for me..

        1. I think that a filtering issue is at the heart of a lot of the social issues that come with AS. I tend to get the wrong sort of data in social situations, getting hung up on minor details and losing track of the conversation because my mind has run off in another, more interesting (to me) direction.

          I know what you mean about the confusion you’re feeling. It can completely change the way you see yourself and your past experiences, but ultimately, once you get through that initial turmoil, it can be a really good thing. Have you taken a look at the early posts in the adult diagnosis series here? The first few posts talk a lot about the feelings I had as I started working through my initial realization.

          1. Again, thanks so much for all the info you have posted here. The adult diagnosis info is great too – especially your advice on the specific books (I had looked at the Safety Skills.. book a while ago but just gotten confused rather then a proper overview so I value your advice that its not a good ‘starter’ book!). I’m currently reading Tony Attwoods book. Its a very good book (I adore how positive he is about everything). Its a lot to process and consider and cross-reference with my life and analyse..!

            1. I like Attwood’s book a lot. When you get to the chapters at the end on adulthood and relationships, don’t take them as gospel. He has a very dim view of adult life on the spectrum in that book and I found it discouraging when I first read it. But other than that, it’s a great book and an excellent place to start. 🙂

            2. Oops, I’m being a tad pedantic here. I got Safety Skills and Aspergirls mixed up (above). I’ve dipped back into Aspergirls today (after reading more TA) and its really good (but only after gaining more AS context).

              1. No worries, I totally get the need to come back clarify. Aspergirls is definitely an easier read once you have some context. I found it a little “doom and gloom” in places but I also learned a lot from it in those early days.

  8. Your blog has been very helpful. After the death of my father over a year ago, my elderly mother came to live with me and my husband. I have come to realize that my mother most likely has AS, and it explains so much. Your posts have given me a better understanding of what she has been dealing with all these years.

    1. I’m so glad you’ve found the blog helpful and that it’s giving you insight into your mother. Parenting with AS can be very challenging and I suppose is often confusing for the children, especially if they aren’t on the spectrum.

  9. I’m so grateful for your blogs. I see them on facebook and then come over here to read the ones that are most relevant to me. This series hit me hard today. This morning I had one of those rare meltdowns–screaming and crying–over the general lack of order and too many demands at once to process. Sadly, I couldn’t calm myself and I didn’t have any of my normal supports in place (husband was gone, ran out of anxiety meds, couldn’t take a 15 minute break because something on the stove would be ruined). My 15 year old aspie son was there, and he gave me space, and when I was finally calm again, he asked if I was okay. Then he went right on with his school work.
    I guess what I long for most as a mom with self-diagnosed Aspergers (scored high on online test, tabulated dozens of Aspie “incidents” in my life that nothing else seems to explain) is a way to fight through the brain fog that comes with sensory overload, and help communicating my feelings when I just can’t find the words. My husband is good at that at times. He is also wonderful, when he is here, at letting the kids know when I have reached my capacity of sensory input, and redirecting them. I feel like a failure today, and it was just a soothing balm to read these posts and comments. I know I am not alone, and maybe now I can forgive myself and maybe even explain my behavior to my son. But something tells me he understands more than I realize.

    1. You know, I think the fact that he asked if you were okay and then went back to schoolwork was probably his way of letting you know that he gets it and he cares but he also doesn’t want to embarrass you by making a big deal out of it.

      I’m glad this series provided you with some solace. It can be so hard to lose control in front of our children. My daughter and I recently talked a lot about what it was like to be raised by an autistic parent and her level of understanding and compassion was really amazing. The teen years can be rough, but I’ve heard a lot of autistic parents say that their adult children are hugely supportive and understanding. I guess what I’m saying is, don’t worry too much. Our kids are often wise beyond their years.

    2. The ‘brain fog’ part is so comforting to read. In overload this happens all the time and I’m at a loss of how to climb out!

  10. I found out I was aspie after having my son who was diagnosed when he was around six. Everything suddenly made sense. I always knew I was different. I remember sitting alone in the playground when I was four feeling like I was from a different planet. My other half was killed in an accident when our son was one and so he never had the opportunity to gain from his fathers confidence and warm social skills. Finding out I was aspie had a huge effect on my already low self esteem and this has had a drastic effect on my son. He is much more social than me but seems to get nowhere and i often feel he would many more friends if he had a positive influence in his life and someone to guide him. I find being an only aspie parent with an aspie child the hardest thing in the world. I was searching for experiences of other aspie mums when I came across your site. It is very helpful to hear and follow your story. Thanks for sharing x

    1. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.

      I had that feeling of being from another planet and remember saying and thinking words like that and asking why I had been left here. I’ve heard many others here and on other forums and in books say the same things. It’s healing for me to hear it from others and know I am in good community.

      I’m newly diagnosed so I am still learning and will be for the rest of my life so I don’t have a whole lot of knowledge or wisdom on this. I do wonder though if there are support groups, play groups, social gatherings for parents who are Aspie to bring their kids to?

      Do you have a good therapist or health care provider – or Aspie friend that you trust who can offer suggestions for you and your son?

      I also suspect that you might be more of a positive influence in his life than you realize. I know for myself I often don’t recognize that I have done or an doing my best. My kids remind me. They tell me. Sometimes its what a great mom I am, and other times it’s a conversation with them about their frustration with me for something they don’t understand about my way of processing or being, but none the less, they let me know they love me, and I do the same for them, in the best ways I know how. They are all adults now, amazing, smart, funny, quirky, strongly opinionated adults. I did not know when they were little that I was an Aspie and they turned out great. We’ve had our moments, but I could not be more proud of them, or love them more. There have been times when their dad has been out of the picture too and I did my best to do it alone. My first husband (oldest child) died a few years after we divorced and that was a hard time for my daughter. It does get better : )

      I realize now that my parenting looked different than Karen across the street, or Marc the next block over and I can let go of the judgement I had for myself that I did not relate to those parents, or seem to fit in at the PTA or other parents events. Finding community like this blog, and other blogs like this that empower, encourage, and support is a great first step. It has helped me sooo very much! Bravo to you for seeking and finding these resources. ❤

      1. Thanks for responding to my message and your words of support and apologies for taking so long to reply, but I am struggling lately and talking about this stuff gets me down.

        It’s interesting to hear you are newly diagnosed as I have often wondered about that process as an adult. I regret having my son diagnosed and wish I had never found out as his symptoms are mild. He now has a label and everything that is associated with that. Personally I wonder if my childhood was better where we were just different and got on with things in our own way. He gets no extra support at all. I think you have to be quite severe to get extra one to one support in mainstream education and that’s why I struggle to see what the benefit is from a diagnosis.

        When he was little to went to numerous parent toddler groups etc. We have also tried an autistic youth club, but to be honest I found it very depressing. I suffer from depression because I would like someone to help him gain some social skills and I almost wondered if the autistic youth club made them worse. That probably sounds quite mean, but it is honestly how I felt. They also had a coffee morning for mums, but it was a whinging session and I wanted to go for release and a laugh.

        I wanted more children and that has never happened, and I know I would have been much happier if my son had had brothers and sisters, because the social side of things would have been so much easier. I know that brothers and sisters argue but this is all part of learning curve.

        It sounds like you are a lovely mum and your children are very lucky to have someone so supportive x

      2. You just shook loose a memory for me. At one point, all my boys were in the same grade school, and Daughter was in junior high. I decided that I didn’t have enough to do, with a full time job and being a single mom, and volunteered to help with the school carnival.
        I went to some of the meetings, but many of them were held, in the exurban bedroom community where I lived, during the day because so many women had the luxury of being SAHMs. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being judged, and found wanting, all through that experience, up to and including the day of the carnival.
        Given that I’d been judged so many times in the past, and would be in the future, it did not encourage me to repeat the process, and I never did. I think I need to talk to my now grown kids about that.
        Thanks for the memory jogger.

    2. I’m so sorry to hear that you and your son lost his dad. That must be so hard.

      Nelliepmoore has some great suggestions below. In addition, I just want to say please don’t be too hard on yourself.

      Has your son expressed a desire for more friends? If he has, you could ask his teacher or another support person at his school to help out with learning practical social skills/friend making strategies. Also, getting involved in interest-based activities (science club, lego club, bowling team, etc) is a good way to make friends because there’s already a common interest and activity.

      If he hasn’t said he wishes he had more friends, he might be happy with the number of friends he has. A lot of times people on the spectrum are more about quality than quantity in friendships.

      I hope that if nothing else, finding these posts and the stories of others here that it helps you to feel connected and less alone. Parenting when you’re on the spectrum is really hard and lonely at times.

      1. It’s funny you should ask the question because my son is quite happy and never seems to complain about anything other than homework. He certainly doesn’t complain about not having friends….. I am aware that it is more my problem. I suppose I worry that at some point in his life he is going to feel isolated like me. I suppose it is a crazy way to look at things because his temperament is completely different and much much more positive. I often think that my aspergers is much more severe than his and wonder if he hadn’t been brought up alone with an aspie mum whether he would have any symptoms at all?

  11. Does anyone know of any good books for expecting mothers who have family members on the spectrum, or who may be undiagnosed themselves? I was just diagnosed and we learned last week on Thanksgiving that we are going to be first time grandparents next spring. I’m putting together information to share with our kids about being an Aspie (they don’t know I am yet) and I want to include good, helpful information related to being pregnant and an Aspie. I can look back now and see for myself how my pregnancies were, and I will share that, but I want to share information that is not just coming from me, but from other sound and helpful resources. Thanks!

  12. Thank you for writing this! I am not diagnosed, but starting to suspect aspie as others in the family have been diagnosed. Reading what some people have to say about parents with aspergers/autism made me feel angry. How can they say that someone on the spectrum shouldn’t have children or be a parent? As if neurotypical parents are perfect and don’t have their own parenting challenges. Your blog helped remind me that there are also benefits along with the challenges.

  13. Hello! I am so glad I found your post. It has relieved a little of the anxiety I feel. Although I am not officially diagnosed, I know for a fact I have asperger’s. I always felt different and didn’t understand why I did and said the things I did (it was very frustrating). It wasn’t until my 5 year son got diagnosed this past year that I realized I had it as well (after doing some research). I felt relieved and no longer felt “broken” or “strange” (I’m sorry if this offends anyone that’s just the best way I can explain it). Anyway, with that being said, I am having a very hard time dealing with my sons constant tantrums and meltdowns (I get overwhelmed when there is too much going on–too much noise for ex.). He throws about, no lie, 25-30 tantrums a day and it’s physically, mentally & emotionally exhausting and at times I have my own “meltdowns” because I know no other way to handle the stress of it all (FYI I also have a 2 year old who also exhibits the same behavior so it double everything). Please, as an adult & parent with aspergers, what did you do when life would just be too overwheling? I am a stay @ home mom & do not have friends to socialize with or get away (I suppose it’s because I am socially awkward and misunderstood). I do not know how to handle my own meltdowns, let alone teach my son how handle his. Please, if you could give me some advice I would really appreciate it. I have asked his doctors, but they just tell me, “attend this 4 week seminar, for a fee, and you’ll get some good advice).

  14. Oh my word. I’ve read about three sentences of this and I already know it’s going to be some of the most lightbulb reading ever.
    Only recently self-diagnosed at the age of 41 with the support of an ASD experienced therapist, I’m slowly reviewing my life experiences with new eyes. Parenting has been pricked with such trauma for me and I never understood why I didn’t seem to ‘get it’ like other mums.
    Thanks for this. Unending thanks.

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