Monday Morning Musings (8/26)

Blogoversary!

One year ago Wednesday I made my first post on this blog. It was really scary until I realized that hardly anyone would see it . . .

Fortunately some people eventually found the blog and those people shared it with other people and things kind of snowballed from there. Rereading that post, I realize that my perception of what it means to be autistic has changed a lot in a year. (If you read that link, keep in mind that I had no idea what I was doing and I made some silly mistakes/assumptions that make me cringe now.) What hasn’t changed in the past year is my wish for this to be a place where people can share their experiences and knowledge and questions. You all have made that come true in ways I couldn’t have dreamed of a year ago.

Glitter stars for everyone!

glitterstars

Mail!

Earlier this summer I wrote an article for a quarterly magazine published by Autism West Midlands so I was very excited to get a copy of the magazine in the mail this week.  Julia, who is absolutely lovely to work with, also sent me rainbow-themed bookmarks and stickers.

Rainbow-themed autism swag and my first print article!
Rainbow-themed autism swag and my first print article!

New Project!

(Yes, everything is going to get an exclamation point today. I’m excited. )

I’ve started on a new project, putting together some of the blog posts together with a bunch of new material into a book. I’d planned to do this at the beginning of the year, but I had no idea how to make it work. A month ago, I came up with a theme but zero clue how to get started. So two weekends ago, I sat down and made a plan. Then I stuck the plan up on the wall behind my desk, making it impossible to ignore:

startofplan

Trust me, there’s no way to procrastinate when the plan takes up half of one wall. As I work through each chapter (represented by a car sticky!) I cross it off and write the word count on the car. One of the great things about planning this way is how easy it is to rearrange the pieces. As of today, here’s my progress:

The crossed off stickies are sections that I've finished. I like how easy it is to rearrange sections and to see my progress this way.
The crossed off stickies are sections that I’ve finished. I like how easy it is to rearrange sections and to see my progress this way.

Maybe posting an occasional update on Monday will give me some added motivation to get the draft finished.

Another Survey?

Mados suggested that maybe some people would be interested in a survey about self-employment. If you’d like to participate (anonymously, like we’ve done in the past) or would find the answers to a self-employment survey helpful, drop a note in the comments. If there’s enough interest, I’ll pull something together.

Readings on Gender

Can anyone rec me some readings on how gender is constructed? I’m working on a post and have hit a wall. Primarily I’m looking for background readings, I guess. I’m not even sure. Help?

30-day Decision Making Experiment

The 30 days for my decision making experiment are up but it’s obvious that this needs to be a long term project. I’m still recording my observations and will write a post about them when I’ve had time to process more.

57 thoughts on “Monday Morning Musings (8/26)”

  1. Congrats on your first year.

    In re to your “perception of what it means to be autistic has changed a lot in a year.” The problem with the term “autistic” being applied to people with such an array of challenges (from severe to mild), is that it makes it confusing for me. Being a “black and white” thinker, I compare it to pregnancy… and as we’ve all heard, there’s no such thing as being a “little bit pregnant”. I know that autism is refereed to a spectrum, but being nearly 50, and raised in the years I was, autism wasn’t something that many, if any, were ever going to function properly with in society.

    Not that the list at this site is accurate, but it sure looks like a list that would be good to be included in.
    http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/article_2086.shtml

    I can’t tell if it’s a good thing that the spectrum has broadened or a bad thing. I can argue both sides. The pro side is that it helps to “normalize” the condition, and make those with it less “spooky” to those ignorant of it. The con side is that when people with mild to moderate degrees of autism (Asperger’s) are then put into the same category as the Boo Radleys [To Kill A Mockingbird] of the world. (A note on Boo Radley, I’ve seen where people want to debate whether a fictional character has Autism or something else, that wasn’t my point). That is why I blanch at the term Autistic for me.

    Asperger’s/Aspie? Yes
    Autistic? No

    I’ve never been good with change, and why the powers that be want to eliminate the Asperger’s term is beyond me. I think it denigrates those that are truly locked away into their own self with it, by having someone like me, functional in society -for the most part- clumsily lumped in with them. Just for clarification, I’m not embarrassed of the stronger term “Autism” being applied to me, I just think it waters down an important medical term for no good reason.

    1. I’ve written about the feelings you express here because I felt the same way: I was fine with aspie, struggled with autistic and rejected disabled. But my feelings have evolved since then. My official diagnosis is Asperger’s but I identify as autistic and use autistic and aspie interchangeably.

      I don’t think my identifying as autistic takes anything away from people who need more supports or who have greater challenges. In fact, I’ve seen people who are, for example, nonverbal write that they prefer everyone on the spectrum to identify as simply autistic because it’s a sign of solidarity among those who have varying levels of abilities. It is a wide spectrum and I think it’s important for the average person to know that autistic people are diverse. You’re right that it’s no more possible to be a little autistic than to be a little bit pregnant, but I don’t consider myself a little bit autistic. My brain is absolutely different from a nonautistic person’s brain. If you met me in person, it wouldn’t take you long to figure this out. 🙂

      What you say about the stigma of autism in earlier decades is true. When I was a kid, only those who had the most obvious traits (i.e. nonverbal) were diagnosed. And that stigma still exists, though things are starting to shift a bit.

      1. For clarification, I didn’t mean to say, or imply, that I was speaking to you personally about the terminology of Autism… really it was directed to those that move the needle, that we all must follow or be left behind. Like anything else that separates a person from the herd, it takes awhile for it to be accepted. My grandfather told me about the courage it took for him to wear his prescription glasses in public when he was 37 (mid ’50s). When I was growing up it was at the tail end of a time that kids wearing glasses were called four eyes. My brother, a year younger than I am, got glasses when he was eleven. My dad seemed to take it as a personal failing that “his kid needed glasses”. Now a days no one thinks twice if a person wears glasses.

        If the overall community, of those on the Autism Spectrum, are lifted up by those of us with milder versions (to the naked eye), then I’m happy to stand in solidarity with them. You really have a good manner the way you respond to people. 🙂

        1. Did I take your comment overly personally? 😉 Sometimes the only way I can respond is through the lens of my own experience, especially on subjects as thorny and complicated as this one. There are many people who agree that AS should have remained a separate diagnosis too and I probably should have mentioned that. It was a very controversial decision and who knows what the next iteration of the DSM will bring. I find myself leaning more in the direction of “let’s see what we can do to de-stigmatize autism in general” but I also understand the difficulties that people face on a daily basis, including people just flat out not believing that they’re on the spectrum because they don’t seem “autistic enough” and the ways that an Asperger’s label can mitigate that.

          Your glasses analogy is a great. I remember the “four eyes” taunts when I was a kid (not directed at me, but as a common put down). Now it’s not uncommon to see people posting pictures of themselves on facebook or tumblr to show off how awesome their new glasses look. I wonder what changed that?

          And I like how open-minded you are. 🙂

          1. Sarah Palin attractive in ‘eye glasses’..changed the perception of people who wear glasses..thanks, Sarah!

    2. Both medical professionals and the autistic community itself are becoming more aware that there aren’t actually that many autistic people who are truly “locked away within their own self”.

      Take people like Carly Fleischmann who managed to find a way to communicate that neurotypical people understood and in that way write a book. Amanda Baggs and Amy Sequenzia who work tirelessly to increase autism awareness. They struggle with some of the same things that others on the spectrum struggle with, and they also have struggles that others don’t have. Everyone on the spectrum has unique challenges but the similarities shouldn’t be overlooked just because one person is writing a blog (can you write a blog? does that mean you are a lower functioning Aspie?) and the other is able to deal with loud noises better.

      If you take all my challenges and focus only on that aspect of me, I don’t think anyone would call me high functioning. But I have friends and a house and a mortgage and a well-paying full-time job in IT. So who will be the judge of my functioning? Will it be based on the fact that I’m highly verbal? Then that will mean that I won’t get any support in areas I struggle with, because being highly verbal is the deciding factor in how well I function. That is why nobody would think of me as “locked away within my own self”.

      Should we really judge an entire group of people not on how well they can live their own lives and make their own choices, but on how well they can conform to the wishes of OTHER people on how to live their lives? On how successful they are in learning how to communicate in ways that OTHERS understand, even though it does not help them in the actual challenges they face, just in how they are judged and seen?

      http://ballastexistenz.wordpress.com/2007/01/15/in-my-language/

      I hope the video in the link above will help some people understand what I’m trying to say. If you can’t handle the first part, skip to 3:15 for the second part. Then go back to the first part. It’s important.

      1. Oh, found a good quote.

        […] I really dislike a lot of the self-advocacy movement for relying mostly on the self-advocacy that happens through words, written or spoken. This leaves out people who can’t do either but who are nonetheless quite capable of advocating for themselves through their actions and movements. If I hadn’t spent a lot of my life forcing myself to do words, I might be such a person, so I am always aware of this. Words are not natural to me the way they are to some autistic people.

        It’s kind of wry, I think, that the only reason why non-autistics say the person who wrote this is not locked away in her own world is because she forces herself to use words that non-autistics understand. And it’s beautifully written, wouldn’t you agree? Yet this same person had to fight her own doctors because they said her quality of life was too low to perform surgery on her and give her a feeding tube so she wouldn’t die.

      2. AC, My designation of “high functioning” is probably not on par with those that study such things. I hear it and make assumptions. To me, many people have things that impede their lives. My wife took the aspie quiz and she told me the answer came back as 0% chance that she’s an aspie. Yet, she has had chronic lung problems since birth. She had one and half lobes removed from one of her lungs (bronchiectasis). She has constant lung pain and coughs up blood all the time. If that weren’t enough, she has frequent bouts of vertigo, where she can’t get out of bed for days at a time. She’d be happy to swap with you… though I imagine you wouldn’t want to trade what hampers you for what hampers her (as if such a trade were even a real possibility). So, if a person is able to live a life on their own with a (fill in the right word for me when I use “disability” incorrectly), without being pushed around in a chair (for example) or being cared for by the state, then to me they are well ahead of the game… and life is nothing more than a game… a game that is short and ends rather abruptly at that.

        As for the video link. It was interesting, but the written word is the easiest to take wrong in trying to communicate (especially my written words). My thoughts on what was in that video are too complicated to be written out. It’s quite possible that I wouldn’t be able to explain my thoughts if we were sitting across from each other, but I’m sure that I’d do a ham handed job of it here… so I won’t further muddy the waters by posting my thoughts on it.

  2. You asked about gender construction. I read a lot about this on my dissertation on “boys’ underachievement”. I could try and dig out the bibliography, but I do know I read a l few books by Christine Skelton and Becky Francis which were probably written from a feminist point of view. On a lighter level, for pleasure I read “Delusions of Gender” by Cordelia Fine. I don’t know if the theme generally comes up under constructivism

    1. Thank you for the recs. I just googled and found a video lecture titled “Delusions of Gender” by Cordelia Fine (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leQiMBPUz0g) so maybe that will hit the highlights of her book? I’ll also look up the other authors you mentioned. I’m trying to sort out the very basic questions of how to talk about gender versus sex, etc. Which I guess means I’m rank beginner. 🙂

  3. Congratulations! One year. What a milestone. 😀

    And rainbow themed autism swag… I’m jealous! Oh wait, the print article is probably far cooler now that I think of it. But still. Rainbows!

    A survey might be pretty interesting, although I’m not sure how many people are self-employed here. But I guess a survey would answer that question! You’d want a fairly large response to get anything meaningful out of it, though. (I just realised that I could fill out a survey like that too, I did a few freelance assignments a couple of years ago but never finished them, lol).

    1. Thank you! I was very excited about all the bookmarks because I never have enough of those. And the article too, of course. 🙂

      My main question about the survey was the same – are there enough people interested to make it work. So we’ll see.

  4. One year! Congratulations!

    Oh and I would love to read ANOTHER book from you. It sounds like this one might be a bit different from your first, and I’m really excited for it! I’m putting in a special request to *please* make it available for kindle!

    1. Thank you! I’m not sure whether I’ll self-publish the next one or try getting it published by a company that does autism books. Either way, it will definitely be available for Kindle though.

  5. Happy bloganniversary! I think it’s awesome that you are sharing your insights on what you’ve thought/written along the journey of the last year–it’s a great illustration (or maybe “living example”) of taking time to reflect on how we saw things at a different period in our lives, checking to see if we’ve grown, learned, or if there are some constants that remain the same.

    For myself, any term is fine, because I no longer have to worry about disability or accommodation issues in a workplace, (what accommodations I did get was regarding my ADD) and I can structure the rest of my time (usually) in a way that works for me. Because of the general misconceptions and images of autism, I would probably lean towards Asperger’s, just to (hopefully) avoid a debate with people who know me, but don’t know that much about autism.

    The “little bit pregnant” phrase…when I think back on my pregnancy, I was certainly 100% pregnant the whole time. But at one stage, I needed certain supports (crackers and ginger ale, and lots of sleep) and at other stages, I needed completely different supports (help in getting up, help in shaving my legs, and finally, help in labor). My state of being pregnant wasn’t on a spectrum, but what I needed from others was.

    Here’s to another year!

    1. Thank you! It’s definitely been a process. Recently I was thinking about whether I should pull some older posts that I no longer completely agree with, but I think it’s good to have a record of where I’ve been. This has definitely been a learning process.

      You make a good point that the labels we chose often depend on what we need/want them to do. When I started writing, the way I labeled myself was mostly about me and now it’s become an act of advocacy as much as a way of seeing or talking about myself. That’s a completely different approach than the one that works for you and that’s cool. I understand why Asperger’s can make it easier for people who don’t know a lot about autism to accept that someone is on the spectrum.

      Your pregnancy analogy is perfect. I might have to steal it in the future. 😉 You could also extend it to say that some people have pregnancies with a lot of medical complications while others don’t, which is also the case with ASD. Often people mistake co-occurring conditions like seizures, ID, etc. as being a “worse form” of autism when they’re actually separate medical conditions like gestational diabetes, DVT or hypertension that some women experience during pregnancy.

  6. Yay for a book and for your article! Congrats! I love reading your posts and seeing how your perceptions evolve. Funny thing about it is I went through very similar evolvements in the last 5 years when my son was diagnosed and then me…I see it on other blogs too…I wonder if these stages are very similar for most of us?
    Keep writing!

    1. Thank you! I’ve heard other people say the same thing, so I think there’s a common process. When I started writing, I’d read very little and most of it was books by “experts” rather than writing by other autistic people so I had some misconceptions and some incomplete ideas. In the past year, I’ve read more first-person accounts and gotten to know a whole bunch of other autistic adults. I feel like I’m literally learning how to be autistic, which is a strange thing this late in life. But it’s good. It feels right.

  7. Congratulations on a year of blogging!

    As for gender constructions, are you looking for stuff exploring transgender identifications? Or are you more looking for stuff exploring how cisgendered people form their gender identities? Or are you looking for something else entirely? I don’t know too much myself, but I do know of a few good blogs, and I know where I could ask for more info and for referrals to other resources once I get a better idea of what you’re looking for.

    1. Thank you! I’m a bit lost on the gender issue, as in I’m realizing that I don’t strongly identify as female but I don’t strongly identify as male either. So, uh, is there a ‘neither’ option? I feel like a dunce even asking these questions and I’m afraid that when I write about it, I’ll screw it up. OTOH, it’s something I need to explore right now. Any resources you can point me to would be much appreciated.

      1. There is more than one way of being female (or male) ie there are several “genders”. Gender is a social construct, from birth we are bombarded with messages and images of how we should be, but I expect neurotypical people take more notice (perhaps?). Often our peers are the most vigilant in policing these constructs. The most obvious simplistic example is in the UK young men can be labelled as jocks or girly swots (I couldn’t remember the exact phrase). Maybe yet another example of us not following like sheep and developing our own version of a gender.

        1. So maybe this is what I need to be reading more about? Gender 101? I do understand that gender is a social construct, but I feel like I’m lacking the language and the fundamental concepts to talk about it semi-intelligently.

          What you say about neurotypical people taking more notice of gender norms is one of the things I’ve been thinking about a lot. If we tend to be less tuned into to social cues, that would likely include being less tuned in to gender norming cues as well, right? At least for some of us–certainly not true across the board of people on the spectrum.

          1. I recognise this need for researching things all too well, but maybe you could write out your own thoughts on the subject and invite people to add their own thoughts and experiences? I would love to hear what your own personal experience is with gender. And I think it’s ok if you make a mistake because you’re not a scholar, you’re just a person trying to figure things out for themselves.

            1. Thank you for the reassurance on that front. What I’ve written so far is a very personal account and now I’m wondering if it needs context. From what you’re saying maybe it doesn’t if I frame it as simply my personal experience with an invitation for others to share their experiences. Maybe I’m not yet in a place yet to say something about the bigger subject of gender coherence and ASD, etc.

              1. It’s still great having more research though! Especially if you are able to share your insights and the road you’ve travelled. But I think it would take a very narrowminded person indeed to object to personal experiences and thoughts about the subject. The problem with “insensitive” or “uneducated” writing about the subject of gender lies mostly with people who frame their own experiences and thoughts as universal wisdom, and I don’t think you would ever do that.

      2. I know a lot of people who ID as genderqueer, some who identify as genderfluid, one who identifies as androgyne, and a few who identify as gender-nonbinary. So, uh… yes.

        Me, I identify as a woman more out of convenience than anything. I admit if I had a more obviously feminine body than I do, I would feel dysphoria with my body, but if I had too masculine a body, I wouldn’t like that, either. I don’t identify as a man, and I don’t strongly identify as a woman, but I feel more woman than not-woman, so I call myself a woman. *shrug* If it becomes a problem as I get older, I’ll consider revising my identification – I’ve certainly revised my sexual orientation identification as I’ve aged (asexual to straight to bi to pan and now I’m considering a revision to sapiosexual). I see no reason not to be open to my gender identification changing as I figure out more about myself. 🙂

        1. Woman does make things simpler, yeah, and it’s what I’ve always used and continue to use. But I’ve begun questioning what that means and how well it fits me. I don’t feel body dysphoria. I like and am comfortable with my body the way it is. I do feel a lot of discomfort with traditional gender roles, and especially with female gender roles.

          I’m curious whether there is overlap between the identifications you listed? Are they defined in a specific way?

          Thank you for talking about this. It helps to read what you’ve written here.

          1. Also, I feel a great deal of discomfort with traditional gender roles, but part of why I’ve never thought about my gender ID too much is because I’m not sure how much of my discomfort with gender roles is my gender ID, and how much is my sensory issues (makeup, dresses, and most other feminine wear is sensory hell for me).

              1. Yes to all of that. 😀 Definitely sensory issues play a part for me. Finding dresses in comfortable styles and fabrics does make a difference in whether I’ll feel like dressing in a more typically feminine style. Generally I’m a jeans and t-shirts gal and I don’t wear make-up or do anything more to my hair than smooth it down with my hands after showering if it’s getting a big long. I think I may write two posts – one of personal reflections and one that addresses some of what might be factoring into my difficulties with gender roles. This is really helpful!

                1. Sensory: Haaaaate panty hose. With a passion. It itches. Hate tights because they hurt. Dislike the feel of most dresses and skirts (I don’t like breezes on my thighs), strongly dislike “girly” underwear (especially frilly/lacy bras, which I think are torture devices designed by sadists), and high heels fucking hurt. Makeup just itches like hell, then I get acne, which hurts and makes my face feel wrong. I’m not wearing any of that shit. No. Refuse.

                  As for gender roles: I am angered and baffled by turns by them. Angered by stuff that says that because I’m female-presenting I can’t be good at stuff I rather obviously am good at and if I am good at it, I’m a freak or something, baffled by stuff like these toys are for girls because they’re pink and girls like pink because babiez (even though pink was a boy’s color at the turn of the century so pink being a girls’ thing is very new so how could girls like pink because babiez if girls were supposed to dislike pink because delicate 100 years ago?), and annoyed as hell by the shitty science put out to support such hypothetheories.

                2. Panty hose are a creation of the devil and I have a whole drawer filled with girly underwear that looks as new as the day my husband bought it. Poor guy.

                  A few minutes ago I opened up my draft about gender and a few sentences in saw that I’d written: “Somehow comfort got mixed up with gender in my head. For decades, “dressing like a boy” meant comfortable and “dressing like a girl” meant uncomfortable.”

                  So yes, I guess this is a big part of it. I’m going to post my raw reflections and see where the discussion goes from there and then I’m going to tackle some of what’s been written about ASD and gender (extreme male brain, low gender coherence, differences in testosterone) plus the role of sensory issues and social norming. There are things that resonate with me and things that feel like bullshit so maybe doing a sort of survey post will help create discussion and see what resonates with others.

                  I didn’t know that about pink. I do know that boys wore dresses until at least around that time because all of the fancy portraits of prominent families the US and Western Europe from that era have preschool age boys in frilly dresses. Strange how decisively things change over time.

        2. Whoops, you asked for resources: Zinnia Jones is a blog written by a trans woman, Laura McNamara. She’s written a lot about the process of coming to terms with her gender identity and her transition. Androgyne Online is a website for non-binary folk, as is Genderfork. Finally, What is Gender? is an online support group for genderqueer and nonbinary people.

          Also, I moderate the Atheism + forum, which is basically an irreligious safe space for people marginalized along gender, racial, sexual orientation, or ableism axes. We have a lot of trans* posters and an Information and Answers section where people who don’t know much about a subject can ask questions.

  8. Hey! Autism West Midlands, that’s where I live! I haven’t been in touch with them because here in England people like myself (‘high functioning’ and I hate that term) aren’t really included in any autism advocacy/support stuff but maybe I will re-think this. Anyway, yeay you!
    I am also writing a book at the moment and wishing I had shaped post-it notes. The way you have designed your to-do wall is excellent, you visual-thinker you. 😉

    1. Maybe take a look at what they have to offer. Julia, who reached out to me about the article, has been great to work with.

      I’ve been experimenting with different ways of organizing work. Having obviously visual reminders is proving to be a big help and also very motivating. 🙂 I googled fun post-it notes for the heck of it to see what’s out there and they make toast shape post-its. Also middle finger post its. The things people come up with.

  9. Happy blogoversary! I like your planning wall — reminded me of Kanban boards at work (here’s a relevant link). The gender question — should probably be questions plural — is something I’ve considered writing about occasionally, but I’m not comfortable enough with disclosing some things about myself on that front: people I know in Real Life read my blog and I’m worried about their reactions. My friends are more aware but they’re a smallish subset of “people I know”.

    1. Oh. Thank you SO MUCH for that eye opener! I hadn’t even stopped to consider how much harder it is for people who present as men to discuss the implications of gender openly. See. I am privileged too. Women discussing gender are far less stigmatised, even if it is because “maleness” is seen as preferred. And I didn’t even realise until you said so. This is why everyone needs gender equality, not just women.

      1. The idea of beer-drinking, football-watching men in the pub discussing gender issues… I’d laugh if it wasn’t such a case of ignorance and prejudice. As one who presents as male there would tragically be a real risk of harm if I was not careful about who I disclose to.

    2. Thank you! Kanban boards are new to me but I use a similar folder system to organize my writing.

      I’m finding gender hard and confusing to write about. I do agree that it’s generally easier for women than for men though. Which isn’t to say I haven’t faced some ugliness from others of my gender over how I present. Thank you for raising this issue. It’s an important part of the discussion.

      1. You’re welcome 🙂

        I believe that being different in some ways can make a person more accepting of differences in others — when you’re already an outsider there’s less motivation to “follow the crowd” in terms of opinions and attitudes. Perhaps that’s why there seems to be more openness and acceptance among communities like the online autistic/disabled?

  10. MOOA
    Sorry I couldn’t find your name. I LOVED your method for getting yourself to work on your book. I was thinking about putting up notes on my wall too. I then thought just a piece of poster board would do and then i just said to hell with all of this and i just sat down and wrote it. it took me 6 days to write it and it is currently undergoing the first round of edits whit my editor. good luck on yours.

  11. Hi, I’ve been thinking before i reply for quite a while. It takes me a while 🙂 Your 30 day experiment on making decisions…………The thing is your experiment started as 30 days of doing what I want. (your partner said he may understand you more if you did what you want) It wasn’t about making decisions.
    But you got caught up in decision making. Trying to make instant decisions so you could achieve what you wanted.
    What I think is…….. the autistic brain works differently from the neurotypical brain. It works through logical sequences to make decisions.
    Instead of trying to fundementaly change the way your brain works ( make instant decisions) you should be asking your partner to give you time. Give my brain 5 minutes/10 minutes to work through my logical assesment and make a decision of what I want.
    i know its difficult . People don’t want to wait five minutes to know where you want the cushions but I don;t think trying to force our brains to work as ‘normals’ is ever going to work,
    To get what you want, you need to be given the time to process.

    1. I did get caught up in decision making or at least that became my tangible starting point. I’m working on a follow-up post because the experiment has brought very different results than I expected. In particular I’ve realized how passively I approach my wants and needs. About time thing, my husband is willing to wait as long as it takes me to make decisions but I’m tired of struggling so much with minor stuff so I’m looking for better strategies.

      1. I’ve always been very passive with my wants and needs too. I got caught up in thinking :what I want is not the same as decision making. I kept saying : I might want, not to make decisions at all today and that’s o.k My mind works in peculiar ways 🙂
        I look forward to your follow up post and too learning some new strategies. I’ve only just learnt that I’m allowed to ask for time. 🙂

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