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Monday Morning Musings (8/5)

Doing What I Want Experiment: Week 1

Some reflections from the first week of my “What do I want?” experiment:

The first two nights I dreamt about making decisions. My brain is  uber-serious about this experiment.

Side note: I’ve been having weird disturbing dreams all week. Not sure if that’s related to pushing myself out of my comfort zone with decision making or something else.

Decision making seems to be a multi-step process:

1. realize that a decision is required
2. sense my wants
3. align the wants with possible options for fulfilling them
4. choose among them based on convenience, preference, etc.

. . . okay, clearly more work is needed on the “just feel it” part of decision making

I made two big decisions:

The first was emotionally hard. I was proud of myself because I overrode my instinct to make the other person happy. It took a lot of effort but I felt accomplished when I decided to do what would be best and healthiest for me.

The second was a situation where I would normally have defaulted to making plans based on what the other person was doing, but I overrode that and thought about what I really wanted. The end result is I’m going to be doing something in the fall that I find a little scary but exciting.

I tried setting a 30-second time limit on minor decisions. Meh. I need a better strategy for minor decisions.

When a decision feels frightening, it might be because I don’t have enough information so I should ask for more details.

Funniest moment: The Scientist was rearranging the couch/hassock for TV watching and asked where I like to sit. I replied “however you like it is fine—no, no, wait, wait, in the hole” which he magically understood as “I like to sink into the crack between the cushions so put the hassock where I can do that and still put my feet up comfortably.” The magic of being married forever. Also, look at how I caught myself defaulting to his preference and changed strategies – yay!

Key realization: I’m an adult. I can decide how to use my time. If I’m bored, I can actively choose to do something else. This probably sounds stupid but I’m throwing it out there because it was a revelation to me.  Continue reading Monday Morning Musings (8/5)